Apple Stars

I had an article published in Home Education Magazine back in January-February, 2008, and I finally got around to putting it up as a page on my blog. It is continued support and guidance for those with creative learners as it pertains to their reading path in joy.

So many creative learners become fluent readers using the comic book resource, but I found that parents have a negative connotation to these great visual resources because of negative conditioning in our society and other sources. Here is a post that can help you understand exactly why comic books work so well for the creative learner in their process to becoming proficient readers.

I already shared about our fabulous connecting time with my Grandma Draney and all the Draney siblings this past Saturday, but now it’s time to share about the Friday before and the opportunity we had to connect with my hubby’s brothers and their families.

While dropping off our oldest son on his mission last year, we were able to visit one of Weston’s brothers out in Utah, Ben, and meet his new wife and children for the first time. They were able to come this past weekend as well. We were able to get together with Weston’s other brother, David, though, after not seeing them since 1996! (They were being expatriates in Malaysia last year when we were there.)  We had been able to meet up with one of their daughter’s, Malaina, during the mission drop-off trip, and meet their youngest daughter, Christina, on a trip she took out here to see her grandparents, but it had been too long for everyone else (including their first daughter, Jordan).

Here are the three (of the five total) Gaddis brothers (Ben/fifth born, David/first born, Weston/second born):

Here are the brothers and we sisters-in-law (two of us are Cindy’s!):

Now, what’s interesting about the next picture is that the Gaddis reproduction gene tends to favor the male species. In total, there are 5 Gaddis brothers and 2 Gaddis sisters. So far, they have produced 11 boy cousins and 6 girl cousins (plus, by adoption/marriage, another 2 boy cousins and 1 girl cousin). In this picture of cousins visiting this past weekend, they are all girls (we were only missing my daughter and a Gaddis girl daughter). Here they are in all their beauty:

It was the first day of the weekend that kicked off incredibly. Amazing days of connection with long-lost family! I hope it won’t be that far apart again. We’re intending to not let that happen

I’ve not done a post like this, but have had some fun and/or informative reading choices lately, so thought I would share. The book series I’m reading aloud to the littles is this:

I’m one of those people who don’t like to reread things, and during the season of my two older children and their read aloud focus time, I had fun going crazy through tons of classic children’s literature. Now, I find myself having a harder time getting motivated finding good read alouds. To me, a good read aloud holds the children’s interest, but also MY interest. I just love how these authors wove their story about how “Peter Pan” and all the players, stories, relationships, locations, and personalities came to be. I find myself rushing to read aloud time again. I highly recommend it!

As for the reading I’m doing in order to benefit from it as it pertains to applying to a child circumstance, I’m reading this:

I have several children on the autism spectrum and/or shadow syndrome level in the teen/young adult stage, and learning the social skills necessary to find their place in the world has been at the forefront for several of them. So, I’ve been buying social skill type of books up a storm. And, as we all know, there are more “no goods” than “goods”. I will highly recommend this book! It is not exactly a how-to, but it is real, hands-on, discussion about what life is really like living it and trying to understand it. It is broken down into ten “must know” social “rules”, but more what I would call social attributes.

I’ll try to go through a few of the chapters on my blog in the near future and share how it pertains to some of my children, the conversations we’ve had, and the ideas we’ve come up with in integrating the awareness created. I think “social skills” as it pertains to the “real and important aspects of it” is harder to teach, but is more a discussion point in talking over all the scenarios that have been lived, and may continue to come up, and the perspective the child has on it and/or needs to have with it, and creating enough history with each attribute in order to feel either proficient with it or at least enough awareness and strategies created to make it work for you.

Clear as mud?

I was gone to Layton, Utah, for Mother’s Day weekend for a special occasion. My dad’s siblings had planned a surprise 90th birthday celebration/Mother’s Day commemoration for their mother, my only living grandparent. The highlight was to be that all seven siblings would come together (which hasn’t happened in about 20 years, I think). I wasn’t about to miss that moment!

As my gift to my grandmother, I decided it would be fun to print my entire blog out for her (including my posts as an author at Life Without School) because I’ve only been able to see my grandmother maybe up to 10 times in my life. I hoped that she still read and I know she would be interested, if so, because she was a writer of sorts herself and had always been pleased to hear of my writing ventures. So, as I was printing one out for her, I did one for myself. So, now I can rest easy that all my thoughts, ideas, and moments will not be lost in cyberspace accidentally.

I also got to thinking about journaling. I’ve always wanted to do that, and in our church, we strongly encourage record keeping of this sort as a means of genealogy and helping in Elijah’s mission of “turning the hearts of the children to their fathers, and the hearts of the fathers to their children.” I’ve always wondered why I’ve struggled in this department. Well, as I realized a while ago that writing is an introverted activity, and I’m an extravert, duh, journaling is an introverted writing activity. Ah, but blogging has allowed me a venue as an extravert journal writing activity!

Here’s a picture of the finished blog compilation (with a cover created by my daughter):

And here was my inspiration, my Grandma Draney, with hubby and I:

She was not feeling well (can’t you tell!) because of chronic pain from many things, including an unoperated hernia, scheduled for tomorrow (postponed until after the party in case she doesn’t make it through due to a pacemaker and age). Well, four of the priesthood holders in attendance (my hubby being one of them) gave her a blessing and within a few hours, she mentioned that she hadn’t felt that well in at least a year (thanks be to a gracious Heavenly Father). So, later on (unfortunately, after all the pictures), she looked a lot better!

Here’s a picture of the Draney boys (Jerry-my dad/2nd born, Dale/3rd born, and Elwyn-Ed/1st born):

Here’s a picture of the Draney girls (Donna/6th born, Lori/7th born, Carol/5th born, and Diane/4th born):

Here are the siblings together with Grandma:

Here is a picture of the siblings and their spouses:

And here is a four generation picture of my Grandma, my dad, myself, and my nephew, Sebastian (that my parents are raising . . . a brother’s son):

It was a fabulous day of connection: laughing, crying, sharing, renewing, learning of each other, loving. So many felt so at ease in the setting and we all agreed it was because the Spirit was so strong there.

I love you, Grandma!

So, after recently posting about living without fear, crime and tragedy hits our quiet little country lane last night. Two neighbors, four and five houses away from us, respectively, apparently have had difficulties with each other; mainly, the fifth neighbor toward the fourth neighbor (the fifth neighbor having a history of this type of unneighborly conduct wherever he lives, as well as alcohol abuse). So, while the man of the fourth house is out of state, the fifth neighbor takes the fourth neighbor family hostage. Yep, that’s right, a hostage situation with a gun down the street from us. Four hostages; all of them shot (a teen boyfriend, a teen girl, and the stepmother); one more seriously (a young teen boy and I don’t know how he’s doing today yet). The police were able to finally get a clear shot of the hostage taker and shot and killed him. The boyfriend had escaped to get the police involved to begin with, and he had released the stepmother and daughter, but they had to get to the boy still after they were able to kill him.

My prayers are out to the family.

Crime had also touched us at the old neighborhood. Our direct neighbor had locked his hunting rifle in his truck late one night after hunting, and that evening, someone smashed the window and stole it. When the police came out that night, they had their tracking dogs, and the dogs picked up a scent that went through our yard, next to our cars, and then to the neighbors, and then out the back field. He was not caught.

However, I stand beside my choice to not raise my children in fear. I equip them with good sense, and then I let them live. This world is not always pretty. I know that going into it. This is actually why we left the old neighborhood. My feelings are if I’m going to be hassled by a neighbor, I’m leaving. So, we did. I didn’t worry about physical harm, but emotional harm. These neighbors up the street had been physically threatened before and there was a restraining order. The father decided to stand his ground. I’m not sure what they’ll decide now.

Bad things do happen whether one decides to choose to live without fear, or to those who choose to live in fear. I accept that, even though it sucks. Life still has much good to offer.

A great site called Free Range Kids helps me feel right at home in how I think about raising my children. I found this link at The Learning Umbrella from her post called Do Your Children Get Enough Danger.

Here is a quote from the site:

Another mom castigated me for my irresponsibility and proudly said that she doesn’t even let her daughter go to the mailbox in her upscale Atlanta neighborhood. There’s just too much “opportunity” for the girl to be snatched and killed. To her, I’m the crazy mom.

I just moved from a neighborhood like the one described here in Atlanta. Here’s a general picture of it with its nicely manicured lawns and matching Bartlett pear trees and white mailboxes. (Funny story: When we first moved in, we were “required” to purchase the matching mailbox signage at the price of $75. I refused for several months because of the overpriced conformity. They didn’t know what to do with me. Good thing I didn’t require the whole mailbox; that would have been $300!)

Anyway, a few months prior to us finding the perfect country home to move to, we were officially complained against by an anonymous neighbor. The charges:

She lets her children go barefoot; sometimes even in the winter. Guilty.

She lets her children climb dangerous things. Guilty.

She lets her children ride their bikes in the road. Guilty.

She lets her children near the pond. Guilty.

She lets her autistic children near the road. Guilty.

It’s crazy it even had to be investigated. My sin? Not being a “helicopter mother”, hovering over her children at all times, like everyone else does in the neighborhood.

The dangerous things referred to were maybe our tall front tree, but probably the idea that we let them climb into any construction equipment that is nearby under our supervision. We feel it is better to let them do these things with us then sneak and do them without us.

Tractor boys:

Sometimes, they get lucky:

Taking the controls:

Going up:

Job Complete:

Woohoo!   Teddy and all

The road they ride their bikes on and that my children with autism (yep, I don’t keep them caged!) are near is a cul-de-sac in front of our house. When I discussed this with one neighbor, she felt that I should always be watching them. I do keep tabs out the window, but it wasn’t good enough from her perspective. Of course, she admitted to not knowing how to parent seven children . . . ah, yeah.

Needless to say, moving to 15 acres in the country has been a freeing experience for all of us! No more neighbors deciding what is right for my children (considering none of the things listed above was illegal), and letting my boys grow up free range. I don’t want fear to dictate their childhoods. Here’s a picture of what our view is out our front door:

To take people back to when I first made a conscientious decision about raising my children free range, as I was raised, I share these quotes from the above site:

Not that facts make any difference. Somehow, a whole lot of parents are just convinced that nothing outside the home is safe. At the same time, they’re also convinced that their children are helpless to fend for themselves. While most of these parents walked to school as kids, or hiked the woods — or even took public transportation — they can’t imagine their own offspring doing the same thing.

I noticed this especially when we moved to the neighborhood I referenced above eight years ago. There was such fear and for a moment, I was going to get sucked into it. I remember when the actual decision came for me to make. My only daughter came to me and let me know that she was going to take her dog and explore in the woods across the neighborhood, and she would be back. She wasn’t asking, but letting me know because it never occurred to her that it wouldn’t be okay. But I hesitated and asked her to hold on a minute. She had justed turned 11 years old.

Fear told me to say no, but as I have been known to do throughout my parenting and unschooling life, I questioned that reaction. And, it was a reaction. I recalled my carefree days as a child. I knew I had equipped my children with intelligent wariness, but not fear. Was there a middle ground with this? So, I decided right then and there that I wanted my children to have fun and adventurous childhoods, without fear, but equipped with awareness. I asked her for two things: One was to always let me know where she would be and about when she would be home. The other was to be aware of any non-resident people (there were a lot of houses being built with many construction vehicles and other personnel all the time) being aware of her comings and goings and simply take another route into the woods if she saw this type of “stranger”.

She did this exploring for several years without incident, without fear, but with awareness. She has EXTREMELY fond memories of that time insomuch that when we were going to leave the area, she documented the area she called “Mye Creek”.

Now, we have 15 acres, 10 in woods, creeks, critters, etc. that beckon my two youngest. Do I limit them, or equip them with awareness and enjoy their adventures related each day? I say the latter. I ask that they stay within calling distance, but if they want to venture further out, to take walkie talkies, leaving one with me. Admittedly, these two are still learning, and they tend to act in the moment and disappear for an hour or two at a time. But, if we can’t enjoy our own chosen “relatively safe” property, then where can we?

I end with this quote:

They have lost confidence in everything: Their neighborhood. Their kids. And their own ability to teach their children how to get by in the world. As a result, they batten down the hatches.

I understand there are always risks, but they are calculated. I won’t raise my children in fear. I chose the educational method I use because I wanted to continue the trust and respect we enjoy as a family, and I raise my children in the same vein; because I DO have confidence in our ability to collaborate in learning what is needed to get by in this world.

Oh, oh, driving cars may have to go on the sin roll . . . LOL!:

Alex is 13 years old now and has been working through the Collaborative Learning Stage, as I describe the rhythm of our unschooling cycles, since around 11.5 years old. This is never an easy stage as the children transition from a more relaxed, interest-based environment (seeking their passion) to learning more about goal setting and self-discipline (purpose). With Alex living with autism, it made the transition just a bit bumpier.

I’m so excited to announce that . . . Alex has arrived! Woohoo! We started off like I always do with my children at this stage . . . one or two subjects and working side by side with them. Together, we find resources that work for him. Actually, Abbey was the person who first did this with Alex back when he was somewhere between 11 and 11.5, and they worked together like this for maybe 6 months.

I believe a break occurred, and then I started working with him one-on-one, shifting things around to encourage transitioning into independence. It was always hit and miss at doing the formality, so it was maybe done twice a week, and lasted an hour or two. At a certain point, I didn’t think my current thinking would transfer to independence, so I started looking.

I went to a GIFTS-NC conference last year and picked up what looked like a good idea, if I could modify it to what would work for us. It was what I would call a “better” TEACCH box system. I thought and thought how I could modify it and came up with a good plan. Alex tried it starting just before 13, but he felt it was too overwhelming for him. He started calling “homeschooling time” the “H” word . . . LOL!

So, we took another break and he shared with me what he needed. He said he still needed someone to be with him as he did things. At the same time, Abbey, Alex’s big sister, was able to begin formally working with him through procured state services one-on-one in our home for four hours a day. He was excited as we shared with him what he would be able to do: things like creating his own stories with support, learning computer skills to further his car and other interests, earning money through chores, expanding his understanding through readings and vocabulary work, etc. All of this would be done by creatively interweaving his interests as the process toward worthy products.

Well, about two months into that, I started adjusting the box system and having his older brother sit with him (who wanted to earn some money, too). It didn’t work, adjust, it didn’t work, adjust, it did work! There still seemed to be resistance, though. Then, one day, about three weeks ago, it all started to come together. All the social and emotional and behavioral conversations that were happening with his sister in their “therapy hours” was transferring over into his formal work.

Alex actually started to come and REQUEST his homeschooling. He collaborated with me about adjusting it once again to work exactly the way that is right for him, how often, and when, and the boy is doing it all independently (as he dropped wanting Eric to help him). He does four activities each day, he learned to keep focused (something he had a hard time with) through using a timer, but dropped that after only a week or two, and he learned that he didn’t have to panic if he didn’t understand something, nor did he need someone right next to him to avoid the panic, but all he needed to do is come ask for help. It takes him about an hour to complete.

So, he’s approaching 13.5 years old and are right about on target for what I say typically happens in this timeframe. It just takes that long to transition, find what works for everyone, and then success. I am already anticipating the next stage of Gift Focus Stage as we are gearing up to match him with apprentices in mechanics. We’ve been trying to put it together and it has been slow going, but I see it happening by 14, so . . .

It’s always so exciting!

Here’s some pictures of Alex doing his homeschooling. He prefers the side porch, and you see his big brother still likes to come along and “spar” with him, literally and figuratively (they love to verbally spar good-humoredly with each other):

Elsie, at Elsie and Joe Deluxe, wrote a post called Keep Those Systems Off My Kids. I enjoyed the topic and it reminded me of a VERY important point about how I homeschool my children. She says this at the very end of the post:

But I am equally sure that there are teachers who slavishly follow the precepts of their chosen philosophies, to the point where they don’t even see the children in front of them. I might even say that there are more slavish followers than there are creative thinkers in these systems. I might even be pushed into saying that it is the very creation of a system of education that gives birth to slavish followers.

This is also very true of homeschooling philosophies, which she touches on throughout this post. But I really like how she summarizes that “the very creation of a system of education” or philosophy of education “gives birth to slavish followers”. This means, to me, that the philosophy becomes the end all to the purpose of learning. Unschooling is a prime example of this potentiality. There are as many ways to define unschooler as there are unschoolers, and plenty to go around of those who will tell you if you are “unschooling enough” to be considered one. To me, this misses the entire point, particularly of my view on unschooling.

First, let me share with you a Growing Without School letter I wrote in (and it was published in the November/December, 1997 Issue 119) to make my initial point:

I am writing in response to the letter from Carolyn Ellis in the Challenges and Concerns section of GWS #117. Carolyn’s struggle over accepting her daughter Mary’s learning style and her subsequent “reassurance” that her “other children are still happy unschoolers” raised my philosophical questioning nature again. It made me wonder what the definition of unschooling is.

My definition (at this moment) is following the lead of my child, whether it be in interests or in learning style, and giving respect thereto. I know that many definitions of unschooling include allowing a child to learn in his natural environment and context (learning fractions from cooking, measuring from building, science in the backyard, etc.) as well as learning out in the real world (volunteering, apprenticing, working, etc.). However, as Carolyn discovered about her daughter Mary and as I have certainly discovered about some of my own children, not every child enjoys learning in that hands-on way — or, as in the case of my son Adam, may be limited by neurological biology (autism) in his ability to learn naturally from his environment. And how about a child who in his elementary school years enjoyed learning in natural contexts but subsequently chooses a substantial increase in structure? Are all of these learners not considered unschoolers now?

I believe we would be doing a grave disservice to the origins of unschooling if we defined it as a particular learning style such as “real-world learning.” Wouldn’t that make us just as guilty as traditional schooling of implying that one style is better than another? With such a belief, the educator or facilitator will always be trying to correct, impose, or direct the learner toward this supposedly optimal style, even if it is not the style to which the child naturally inclines.

I declare myself an unschooler even though my daughter Abbey loves workbooks and my son Adam has to be taught most things in a highly structured manner. I say this because I am respecting their need to learn in the way that works best for them. I would declare an older homeschooler who decides to become much more structured in learning an unschooler because she is respecting her ability to know what she needs and wants at each stage of her life. I would declare Carolyn’s daughter Mary an unschooler because she refused to be forced to abandon her learning nature. Carolyn finally was able to respect Mary’s right to be who she was, thus accepting her learning style as viable. What Carolyn may not have figured out yet is that Mary’s learning preference is not a lesser form compared to her other children’s preference for learning from the activities that fit her definition of unschooling.

Is unschooling an educational philosophy or just another learning style that some kids will be grouped into? If it is the first, then I am an unschooler. If it is the latter, than I must call myself a self-led learner with an interest-based curriculum. This way, I could be any type of learner that my nature or desires incline me to be. What other names would represent this educational philosophy: freedom learner? self-determinator? self-learner? autodidact? (My note: I think people call themselves “eclectic” these days to mean what I’m talking about here.)

To summarize my own point in all this, I take another quote from a comment back at Elsie’s blog from Anthromama that states beautifully:

I recall from my Waldorf teaching foundation year that the recommendation was for the teacher (and this would also apply to homeschool parents, I would think) to prep their hearts out, reading about child development and observation, reading about curriculum development,etc….and then essentially letting it all go in the moment with the children. Letting all of the prep be the invisible and somewhat unconscious foundation for what happens in the moment.

I happen to say this same type of thing ALL the time about the various labels available to describe difficulties or learning styles or temperaments. It is the same for my educational philosophy of unschooling. I would research and read and compare and note and contemplate from all the sources I could find and then, and this is the important part, I would file it all away in my brain for any future moment I might find myself at any given time with a child that I might be able to recall something that might be useful in that moment.

In other words, it’s common for someone to get a label, even a good one like a right-brained, creative learner (which is a positive descriptor), or grasp hold of an educational philosophy, like unschooling, read up all about it, begin to understand it, and then take all that information and apply it on the front end to each situation as it arises. For instance, I have heard someone who has come to understand the creative learner attributes and preferred resources, and then ask, “Is this a creative learner resource? Can I use it?” To me, that is putting up roadblocks to the access of all information and opportunities. Instead, what one can use the information for is something like this:

I observe my child building with Legos for hours. “Should I allow him to play like that for so long and not do something productive?” I access the good information about the creative learner and discover that I found out that this is one of the many creative outlets preferred by this learner and that, in actuality, this process and experience and resource is a foundational element to their gift development of spatial abilities. So, I respond to my own question: “Of course I should allow it. I should even encourage it by bringing in more opportunities and resources of a similar vein. Wow! Look how he’s creating his own contraptions bringing in various parts of others he had previously built. What great visualization abilities which I remember reading is how they learn certain subjects later on.”

The reason this is so important is that it simply begins one’s journey in trusting yourself as the parent/facilitator and trusting the child as a learner. When some of this information challenges one’s conditioned beliefs about what learning is supposed to look like, and one sees how what we observe our children naturally gravitating to matches up to this new and better information, we can truly start allowing the children to come first. No matter how good the information, if we prioritize that in front of, on top of, or over what our children are showing us, we miss the opportunity to create a space for that child to truly unfold into their unique selves.

My job, as a parent facilitator, is to first, observe, trust, and give value to what emanates from my child and feed into more of that. Second, it is to use some of that good information I collect about my child’s learning style or temperament or differences and provide more opportunities and available resources that might be found useful by the child. And, last, to bring in healthy mentoring that my experiences and wisdom garner in any given moment or situation or circumstance that the child might find helpful along their own path.

So, to conclude, gathering good information about learning styles, temperaments, timeframes, educational philosophies, difficulties, is good, but:

Children First.

To me, this develops the trust that we are unique individuals.

Warning: Not for the faint of heart

How could a good unschooler resist documenting the birth of kittens? Not us! We decided to take in a pregnant mother cat that had been hanging around our church for a while now. She is really sweet, and a good mommy.

The children were SO excited to be able to witness the experience. It happened on Thursday, April 24, 2008, starting around 7:00 p.m., when Missy (the name we think we’ve chosen for the momma) started acting strange and headed for a tight place. Luckily, I was able to convince her to birth in a laundry basket with her bed in the tub.

So, here’s the entire experience of the birth of Kitten #2 (an orange like her mommy):

Crowning:

Emergence:

Birth:

Cutting the Cord, and Taking care of the placenta:

Nourishment:

The full litter of four beautiful kittens (one black with orange/white, one gray with orange, one orange, and one tan/white or light orange):

Over at Woodstone Prairie, Maura wrote about the discrimination of the mentally disabled, as well as the common word usages in the same category used flippantly to describe negative attributes.  Interestingly, both just recently were part of a conversation as well as an experience today (again).

I was gone for the weekend with four of my children getting to enjoy the camaraderie of fellow unschoolers at a weekend camp at a sound on the coast of North Carolina here in the state we live.  It’s a group called Families Learning Together that has been around for a while here in North Carolina, and for which I have become a part over the past few years.  They have two camps a year:  one in the fall and one in the spring, at various camp locations across North Carolina (usually YMCA types or church camps, etc., where you can rent the entire facility).  They are starting to add a winter gathering.  There are usually around 100 people of all ages and this past weekend, there were four families with children with autism there.

I had a particularly good time connecting with a mother of two, Carissa, in which we enjoyed sharing similar experiences of many attributes of our families being “different”.  One particular conversation I had was about the idea that it’s the mentally disabled that are the most discriminated about strictly for the fact that they really have no voice.  As an example, I brought up the realization that before the Jews were persecuted during the Holocaust, all the disabled people were killed.  But nobody talks about that, or for them.  Though it was horrendous what happend to the Jews, they have a voice to be remembered and seek consolation or vindication.  Anyway . . . I agree with Maura on this point.

And, just this morning, during an early morning scripture study class, some of the youth referred to each other or themselves as “retards”.  I like to take the opportunity, particularly with this age group, to create awareness on their part, as most of this language is just said without realizing what they are actually saying.  I’ll say something like, “You know, one should think about the words they use, because they may be in the presence of someone who has a mentally retarded child.”  Since they all know about Adam, they usually quickly apologize, and I hope, find more awareness.  I think change begins with the youth . . .

I try not to take it personally, but educate.  But, sometimes, it is tiring to always be in that role.  So, again, I’m there with Maura on this one.