Comments on: “Special Needs”

By: Imperfect Genius » Worth A Thousand Words

Imperfect Genius » Worth A Thousand Words — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 06:20:22 +0000

[…] On her blog Apple Stars, Cindy tackles two sensitive issues : using a child’s diagnosis as a label and children living with autistic siblings. First she discusses the often negative use of labels in defining a child’s abilities and disabilities in “Special Needs”. Then she pens a very poignant post about letting go of the guilt & criticism parents experience by raising children with a varying range of abilities through embracing the diversity of families in My Brother’s Keeper. […]

By: Michele

Michele — Sat, 17 Jun 2006 03:21:24 +0000

He is such a cutie!

I often have to “explain” Nick within a few moments of introducing him to someone new because he is non-verbal. I could never pinpoint why the term “special” always got under my skin. Thank you! Now I know why! LOL

By: Eve Morales

Eve Morales — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 18:16:03 +0000

Cindy of Apple stars,
I understand completely about the need for better education. Most people look to see how I ( the parent) are reacting to a meltdown or other inappropriate behavior. Only once did I have a stranger badger me about “what I was going to do about my son?” I told her when she had a cure for autisum then she could judge. I told her that if I approch him too roughly, he may become violent and hurt her family. You should have seen the look on her face. Education is the only way. Eve

By: momof3feistykids

momof3feistykids — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 13:48:34 +0000

Thank you for visiting and for sharing this wonderfully articulate and wise post! Adam is a very handsome guy.

By: Cindy of Applestars

Cindy of Applestars — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 13:46:03 +0000

Glenda! I’m looking forward to our e-mail chats. What you said about being fine with others asking questions politely, I agree. Certainly I want others to see how wide-open we are about the differences in our family and comfortable with who we are enough to graciously give information when and where appropriate for the benefit of all. But, as you also said, I have also had to figure out where it is good information sharing to contribute to helping others see the beauty of autism, and where it is infringing on my child’s right to privacy with personal information.

Susan! Your description of using the label and then coming to peace with it all and letting it go until they’re just you’re regular kids again is very similar to how the transition went for me. I also find using the label useful only in very specific situations overall, particulary for my high functioning kiddos.

Willa! It was a hard admission for me that I was using the label as a crutch for myself and my insecurities at the time. Adam is very obviously living with autism . . . he is moderately verbal and high behaviors, so you know within seconds, now that he’s 13 especially, that he is unusually different. Being stared at is pretty typical for our family for more than his reason. Of course, we all remember the judgment stares when they were young as being considered “brats”, and as an unschooling mother, I had come to pride myself in my parenting, and so these uninformed judgments jostled my confidence. But, it also eventually strengthened me because I had to find my confidence from the inside out, and as always, only the great love and admiration I have for my children would push me to stretch myself and grow in new and better ways.

As you mentioned about how you relate your child’s diagnosis to others, if it will better serve my child, then my role as interpreter, facilitator or guide comes out as well

Thanks all, for your comments!

By: willa

willa — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 12:24:29 +0000

Good post. I have noticed that I have an urge to “explain” my son Aidan to those who first meet him. I didn’t really put into words to myself that it was to justify myself — to excuse myself from an impression of “bad parenting.” Anyway, I’m glad that I usually resist the urge and let people just look at him as he is unless it seems that knowing his diagnosis will actually help the people to relate better to him.

In day to day life Aidan seems much more like everybody else than he is different from them. Even his behaviorial “differences” as you point out are his unique and often quite successful ways of coping with sensory integration and motor processing difficulties.

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 05:39:58 +0000

Wow, you’re post really touched me. How true it is that all children have their own unique needs. I also whole-heartedly agree about the label issue. Although my kids were both diagnosed with autism we rarely ever use that label anymore.

We did at first but then came a kind of peace with it and a letting go and then we just gave up the label. Now most days they’re just regular kids, with their own uniques needs like every other child. I’ve found that such labels are really only useful in a handful of specific situations, most of which center around the school system.

By: Glenda

Glenda — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 03:25:28 +0000

Thanks for the visit, AND the comment. Would you mind emailing? If you’ll send me your email address at glenda.leigh@gmail.com I’ll send you the email address I actually use. All providing you don’t mind of course. I’d love to talk further about the reading thang

Love the post. So much truth. I never introduce Bria in any other way now, she’s Brianna. period. I don’t mind questions, asked politely, but I’m not going to make her stand out by giving personal information I don’t about the others either!

thanks. Again.