•  Right-brained dominant and left-brained dominant learners process information differently; therefore, each has a different timeframe and focus to acquiring skills that optimally captures the individual strengths and gifts of that learning preference.

Our current institutions of school favor left-brained processes.  They are part to whole (versus global thinkers) as they take a whole subject, such as history, and break it down into segments and spread it across many grade levels before achieving the whole.  They are product-driven (versus process concepts) so that they can sort and classify based on right and wrong answers, completed tasks, and defineable measurements.  They are word and symbol focused (versus image generators) with early reading acquisition, math fact drilling, and handwriting practice.   Thus, schools created a scope and sequence that reflects the strengths and gifts of a left-brained dominant learner.

Because of the many generations toward this focus, our society has come to believe that this scope and sequence in favor of left-brained thinkers created for our schools is in actuality the Norm.  It appears that we as a people now believe that this is the Proper Order of Things in learning.  It is no longer a Preference; it is Truth in Learning.  However, this is False!  There is a preferred scope and sequence that favors the gifts of the left-brained learner, but there is another equally valid scope and sequence that favors the gifts of the right-brained learner.    This involves a difference in resources utilized and timeframes toward the development of the various subjects honored.

Unfortunately, because the majority of mankind has been schooled, our society has adopted left-brained thinking as the measuring stick of intelligence.  The current scope and sequence declares that reading, for example, can be accomplished through phonics by age 6-7 years old.  Parents clamber around this timeframe with baited breath in order to discover if their child is declared “smart”.  If you read before the expected age timeframe of 6-7 years old, you are “smart as a whip” or “gifted”.  If you come to reading at the expected time, you are “average”.  However, look out if you read after that timeframe!  You are either “lazy”, “not living up to your potential”, or “stupid”.   But, no one wants to think any of these things about their child, so schools came up with a great reason to excuse this difference in intellectual ability and performance:  learning disabilities.

Why is it that behind every learning disability label (ADD/HD, dyslexia, learning disabled, dysgraphia, twice exceptional, dyscalculia, etc.) is a right-brained learner?  Where are the left-brained learning disabled children?  Why is it that I have never heard that a school has said that the learning environment is not a good match?  Can the learning environment found in school be 100% successful?  Why is it that the child is always declared “broken”, but not the environment or the expected timeframes?

These are serious questions that need legitimate answers.  The good news is that these children are not learning disabled; they learn differently.  Right-brained children learn on a different timeframe that is healthy and advantageous to their gifts and strengths.  There would be little to no “dyslexia” if the path to reading for the right-brained child was honored.  That does not mean following the current left-brained scope and sequence, and just waiting a little longer.  It means it looks totally different.  The resources the right-brained child would learn to read with will be different from what you see in school.  The skill development focus the right-brained child would learn to read from will be different from what you see in school.  And the timeframe the right-brained child would learn to read by will be different from what you see in school.  If all of that is honored, you will have right-brained children coming to reading, and other various subjects (such as writing, spelling, arithmetic, handwriting, and more), in as joyful and painless a manner as their left-brained counterparts.

Currently, we “fix” right-brained learners.  We medicate their behaviors (i.e., ritalin for ADD), we remediate when they do not meet left-brained expectations (i.e. dyslexia programs), and we even “jump start” natural biological occurrences through exercises (i.e., vision tracking).   I find many things happen as a result of this type of treatment:  some self-medicate through alcohol or drugs to ease the pain of not being good enough, some decide they are “stupid” and take that into adulthood, some decide that they “just don’t care” and “do the minimal” so it can appear that they are choosing to not live up to the left-brained expectation, and some will get a “learning disability label” and use that as their “excuse” for avoiding things while believing this means they are deficient in some way.   Though most will become productive members of society, how many wounded spirits still exist?  How many glass ceilings were created within their own minds that limit what they have to offer the world?  Maria Montessori has said, “Free the child’s potential, and you will transform him into the world.”  One important way to do this is to honor the path that naturally develops the strengths and gifts of the right-brained child.

•  Every person has strengths and weaknesses.  Strengths are meant to flourish in order to bless the world through us; weaknesses are meant to challenge us for our own personal learning and growing.

I just had an extended epiphany of my thinking on strengths and weaknesses by writing the above statement.  As humans, we like to belong and have value.  It is usually through our strengths that we recognize that we have something worthy to contribute to the human race (the belonging part).  As we share our gifts, we receive feelings of value from others as they appreciate what we have to offer.  Our gifts are also usually the source of pleasure.  We enjoy doing what we are good at.  It feeds our spirit as we discover more of what we are capable of as we explore our strengths to a deeper and more committed level.  Joy emanates from within as we unveil the full measure of our creation through our gifts and talents.  It is easier to allow our strengths to shine for the world to see and enjoy and benefit.

On the other hand, weaknesses and challenges are personal.  It touches our inner questions in understanding who we are, what is our purpose, and why we believe what we do.  It is the other half of experience in living life.  One is not bad and the other good; each provides information, learning, growth and understanding.  Strengths tend to emit outward; weakness gravitates inward.  I find when I have a challenge, I quietly seek out others who may have similar experiences.  This is a safe way for me to sort out what will be required of me in order to “get to the other side”.  Plus, by seeking out like-minded experiences, it “normalizes” the challenge and gives hope for living it.

I wrote a blog post here about how I view weaknesses through unschooling with my children.  I believe every person has weaknesses as it pertains to learning in some area.   I talked in my post that each child either had a subject that “they just weren’t that interested in”; therefore, it often didn’t come easily, OR they had a subject that “just didn’t come easily to them.”   These are weaknesses.  Each child needed to challenge themselves in order to improve in these areas, or learn a skill set enough to be able to do better.  My daughter’s lack of proficiency in math didn’t mean she was “disabled by math”.  She could learn enough to move forward with her gift in writing without it interfering.  She would not be choosing a career in math.  The same is true for my son and writing.  Over time, he was able to become proficient enough to not impede his progress with his talents in math and computers.

The strength/weakness paradigm in our unschooling learning environment supported the idea that these weaknesses would be viewed as such.  If my children had been in school, measured against the left-brained timeframe found there, there would have been labels.  At the time between 8-10 years old, my son, Eli, really could not figure out reading; he couldn’t hear vowels, he couldn’t decode phonetically, and he couldn’t even recognize similarities in symbols yet.  Yet, at 10 years old, everything came together and he became a reader painlessly.

Due to autism, what about Eli’s difficulty with language, thus, his inevitable struggle with spelling, writing, vocabulary, and comprehension?  We recognized the source of the challenge:  autism and language, but we did not then call it a disability.  A weakness in language will translate to a weakness in these areas of language subjects.  While continuing to honor the typical right-brained timeframe for the development of these subjects starting at 11-13 years of age, we simply took on the challenge of applying good skills and strategies in order to become proficient enough to not hinder his strengths.  This had nothing to do with the scope and sequence found at school.  It had to do with what he would actually need to know how to do in the strength-based career he had delineated as his goal.  We could adopt and modify a variety of tools and resources that would be most helpful on his learning journey.

Being blind is a challenge.  But developing other senses and skills minimizes the difficulty and may even create other areas of strength that could promote a new gift or talent unknown to the person originally.  If I had not had children with autism, I would never have known that I had a natural ability with structured behavioral interventions.  In fact, upon developing this gift, I was able to take other aspects of my strengths and experience and combine it to create something new.  For instance, I was implementing “errorless teaching” before it was “discovered” as well as relation-based motivation.

Having a memory difference is a challenge.  Maybe a child cannot for the life of him memorize his math facts with flashcards.  His memory will just not accommodate that goal using that strategy.  However, this same child is shown to have a musical inclination, and by creating math fact songs, he is able to reach his goal.  He has a different kind of memory that works for him.  At 10, Eli wanted to memorize some scripture verses at church, but was unable to through standard memorization strategies.  These same scripture verses were available through music and he was able to accomplish this goal.  At 14, Eli had another opportunity to memorize scriptures, and at that stage, he was able to use his strong visualization skills to memorize the verses in a seemingly more typical fashion.  Does he have a disability with his memory?  Apparently not.  But if he had been in school, would there have been labels to justify his lack of ability at the time?

• It is only a disability if it is disabling.

When I received the first diagnosis of autism, I was knocked right off my feet.  The world stopped instantly in my mind.  My next reaction was “I’m going to fix this.”  With this resolve, those first couple months were a flurry of frenetic emotion.  I even experienced a week-long paralysis of moving forward due to creating my own debilitation due to guilt I heaped upon myself from everyone and nowhere as only a mother can do.  One day two months in, I received the shocking news that my dear friend and neighbor had tragically died in a car accident.  The world stopped again as I mourned deeply.  A 1-year-old girl was left in the world without a mother!  What was I thinking?  I still had my beautiful children.  The only thing that had changed about them was my perception.  My prayers changed that day from “help me fix this” to “let me help them reach their potential.”

I find it was my own insecurities that had me hanging onto the label “autism”.  I wrote about that time here.  The journey I traveled in releasing my need for that label took me to a deep and mindful place of self-discovery and self-disclosure, and that set me on a new level of confidence, peace, and mindful living.  I could then gift that to my children from the beginning.

Eli lives with autism.  He is not disabled by autism.  He is challenged by autism at times.  However, his view on himself is not through the label “autism”, but instead, he has always viewed his life through the lens of strengths and weaknesses/challenges.  He thrives and flourishes with his strengths.  He has chosen a career path based on these gifts.  He meets challenges head on.  He identifies what he is needing to accomplish and determines how he can best accomplish it.  As challenges arise to the goal, he figures out how to go around it, through it, under it, or simply switch gears.  If there are choices, there is life worth living joyfully.

Adam lives with autism.  He cannot live financially independently.  By all definitions, he is disabled.  However, from his perspective and cognitive understanding, he is not disabled.  He enjoys a full life that maximizes his abilities.  He is independent in determining his quality of life day-to-day.  I have learned enormous amounts of knowledge and growth through him.  His life has value.

Those with bipolar have made great contributions to our society through their strengths.  I see bipolar as a challenge, not a disability.  Those with Asperger’s have made great contributions to our society through their strengths.  I see Asperger’s as a challenge, not a disability.  Those who are deaf have made great contributions to our society through their strengths.  I see deafness as a challenge, not a disability.  Those with muscular dystrophy have made great contributions to our society through their strengths.  I see muscular dystrophy as a challenge, not a disability.  Aimee Mullins would agree with my perspective as she shares her story here.

All of this said, I understand that our society requires the label “disability” in order to obtain services or accommodations.  Adam will need to be declared “disabled” in order for us to get guardianship, or for him to receive some kind of monetary opportunity.  A person who figures out they live with bipolar may need to declare themselves “disabled”  during the worst part as they take the time to figure out a successful treatment plan.  Eli was required to have a “disability plan” in order to have “permission” to take another type of reading placement test at the community college.  I always say that I don’t talk about this topic “in a bubble”.  This means that although I recognize its existence, and accept that some people need “more” in order to function in the world, overall I view differences as just that, through a weakness/strength paradigm, and as people who can contribute to the world just the way they are.  I am careful to remember that in our quest to normalize, we may erase the very distinction that will evolve into greatness.  So, I remain ever mindful of my perspective and perception of different as I live my role of facilitator.

•  I view a child as a whole entity, with a preferred way to process information, with strengths and weaknesses unique to their creation, and a path individually created for their own growth and learning.

In order to support this premise, I:

•  support effective communication in any form (2-4 years);

•  encourage strengths, gifts, and talents as the foundation (5-10 years);

•  build emotional, social, sensorial, and behavioral needs (5-10 years);

•  mentor goal setting strategies (11-16 years);

•  collaborate holistic skill sets to increase weaknesses (11-19 years); and

•  counsel a balanced adult lifestyle (17-19 years).

In conclusion, I feel most school-inspired labels (at least 75%) would not exist at all if not measured against an inappropriate and inaccurate timeframe measuring stick as found in schools.  One cannot be deficient if the expectation is not there.  Because of premature and traumatic birth experiences prevalent in a technologically advanced society, chemically-altered and pollution-based changes in our environment, and traditional sickness-based incidents, there will be some children who have more challenges.   No matter the etiology, I prefer to view these challenges as personal opportunities to grow and learn through weakness.  It’s a personal journey each travels in reaching their own individually unique goals based on one’s strengths and gifts.  Finally, although disability certainly exists, I prefer to believe in the power of our divine natures and individual worth.  As Aimee Mullins stated, “You only need one person to show you the epiphany of your own life.”

After reading any of my books about any topic, I want to write down my immediate feedback about the book.  I am into researching bipolar in order to help my oldest son, Eric, learn how to manage the condition.  This is the first one I read aloud to him so that we can learn together, since I am his support person.  It’s called, “The Up and Down Life:  The Truth about Bipolar Disorder – the Good, the Bad, and the Funny”, by Paul E. Jones.

This is an account of Jones’ own story about coming to terms with the knowledge that he lives with bipolar disorder.  Because he had classic manic ups, he is probably diagnosed with Bipolar I.  Jones is a comedian by trade, and he also dabbled in music.  He now advocates for fighting the stigma of a mental health disorder, and bipolar in particular, “a mind at a time”.

There are two main things I liked personally about this book.  Because it is coming from someone who is living it, Eric seemed to take his advice much more seriously.  Each time there was a section on something a person with bipolar needs to do in order to manage the illness effectively, Eric wanted to create a goal about it.  That is a good thing.

The second thing I liked about it is that Jones believes in getting the topic of bipolar out in the open.  He believes in disclosure and being a strong advocate so that the negative stigma of this disorder can be minimized through positive education and knowledge.  So many don’t seek help because they don’t want to be considered “nuts”.  Yet, drug and alcohol abuse are prolific among those who do not seek effective treatment.  There is anywhere from a 20-30% suicide rate among those diagnosed with bipolar as well.  It’s a tough illness!  I’ve always been one to believe in talking about the tough issues.  Luckily, upon discussing this with Eric, he feels the same way and has given me permission to blog about it.

What I didn’t like about the book is the same reason I liked it:  because it is a personal account, and Jones’ bipolar is not the same as Eric’s bipolar.  First of all, Eric is Bipolar II, which means he more experiences what they call hypomanias.  That means his ups are more “productive” in that he tends to go into creative projects or will spend money in order to entertain himself (though luckily he keeps this within limits).  He spends more time, like 80% of the time, in a depressive mode.  Though this is the “better” form of bipolar, it is also the harder one to treat because of the depression aspect.  There are more effective treatments for classic manias.  That said, so much of what made Jones’ life difficult as it pertains to bipolar were his manias, and the opposite is true for Eric.  So, we weren’t able to pick up a lot of good information about managing that side of things.

We both liked Jones’ “tell it like it is” attitude and humor he uses in telling his story.  The one thing that is the same for most people with bipolar are management tools needed for sleep patterns, eating habits, and exercise.  Being aware of what triggers are part of what makes things better or worse is also universal, as well as keeping track of moods in comparison to these things.  Jones talks about all these things in this book.

For me, it is not the type of book I like to begin with because it doesn’t necessarily give you a good grasp of what bipolar is and how it is treated medically.  Jones steers away from this because he understands the importance of a competent medical professional being involved with effective treatment.  But, it is a great book from a personal experience with bipolar and living with it well.  It offers hope to those of us wondering what the future holds.  And I like his open attitude about not hiding it, yet being smart about how you portray it in your life and to whom.

I asked Eric what his view on the book was.  His answer:  it was comforting and amusing.  It made having bipolar feel like less of a curse.  The negative for him was that when Jones brought up the management tools aspect of what he needed to do, it wasn’t specific enough.  For instance, it is brought up that having an appropriate and healthy sleep schedule is important, but it didn’t really share how to do that.  Same with eating or exercise.

Overall, it appears we had a similar reaction to the book.

William wanted to get “real pictures” of knights and fighting, his favorite topic.  So, thanks to my favorite writing resource as a base and the on-line world of google images, we found plenty and I printed them off.  He then meticulously cut them out, glued them in his story, and dictated his creation.  He just loved it.  He has done one about Indians as well.

I hope you can see these alright.   I need to invest in a nice camera!  Anyway, my daughter created a comic book for my son with autism about his favorite item, ceiling fans.  So, she took pictures of his ceiling fans and cut them out.  She then cleverly took pictures of various “Mii’s”, which is part of the Wii system, and used those as the characters.  Though Abbey could draw these characters, she knew it would add another cool element for her brother.  It would also inspire him that he could make his own using this as his “drawing device”.

I thought it might inspire other young creators out there, or not so young, but less artistically inclined, to figure out new ways to tell their stories.

I also decided to ask someone if they wanted to share the room I reserved (a Combo suite with two bedroom areas).  Kalista and her son, Bryan, stayed in the king-sized separate bedroom, while Weston, myself, William and Joseph stayed in the two queen beds in another separate bedroom area.  Alex slept on the sofa sleeper in the kitchen/living room area.  Bryan, William and Joseph got along famously.  Kalista and I had several late night discussions about right-brained learning, and bipolar.  One was beneficial to me; the other to her.  Win-win.  It isn’t something I ever do, but as she and I agreed, it was a God thing that brought us together.  It was also a God thing that made me stay another night as I was able to have a looonng conversation with a lady named Kathy (5:30 a.m.!) who has similar thinking as me and has a lot of contacts that could help encourage me to finish my right-brained book.  Coincidentally, she is also a member of the church, and she had been in the mental health workshop with a son with bipolar as well!  I look forward to seeing how these relationships bless my life.

Weston, Joseph, and William spent a lot of time at the indoor waterpark.  I joined them one time to go down some of the group rides with them.  It was a lot of fun.  For booking the room early, we also received 100 tokens for the arcade which the boys enjoyed using  up.  Good thing it was “free”, because I wouldn’t waste money on that stuff!  We also got free passes for the putt-putt, so they were able to play twice.  Finally, we got a $20 gift card for booking early that the boys each picked a little present.  This conference has only one speaker going at a time for the adults, which is nice not to have to “compete” with anyone else.  I was able to use the overhead screen through my laptop, which worked really nicely for my presentation.  Luckily, Weston was there to help it get plugged in correctly.

The two events that were pretty cool at this gathering was the carnival, which is the only thing they have to earn some money back for the cost of the gathering.  Volunteers agree to man booths of a really cool variety of games.  You buy tickets, and earn tickets at the booths.  You trade in the tickets for prizes that were donated by event goers and other non-profits.  The boys were pretty excited.  William bought four small stuffed toys, and Joseph got a brand-new WWF monkey.  The other cool event was the marketplace, where they invite any young people to peddle their wares of any type.  William got lucky and found someone selling their old knight toys, so he was able to buy five for $10.  It was just a neat energy to the activity.

I guess it should have been an early indicator, but Joseph threw up the last night we were there.  In fact, he ended up throwing up each night of Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and Thursday nights.  My guess was the affects of the chlorine he probably swallowed, because he was fine throughout the day.  However, the flu epidemic began with me on Saturday, and hit William, Joseph, Eric, Alex, and Adam, all in line.  Weston and Eli are still awaiting their fate.  This after having a healthy winter thus far.  It would make sense, however, when faced with 400 families at an indoor waterpark in the middle of winter (with lots of snow) that it would breed sickness.

Hopefully, we will all recover by the end of this week.  It starts with a fever, achy joints, headache, and nausea.  Then it warps into a cough/cold.  The fever lasts about 24 hours, and the cold/cough lasts about a week.  Ugh.

I remember some time when my oldest son was in the 11-13 year timeframe, or maybe it was from Loretta Heuer during a Growing Without Schooling conference, but it was mentioned that I should “keep track of” the things my children do that would be high school transcript noteworthy.  And, when my oldest was 14-15 years old, I did do that for a while.  And then life happened.  And learning.  Besides, I found myself getting tediously involved in defining the nitty gritty trying to get it to line up with what I saw other high school students doing.  But why should I do that?  I am not replicating high school in my home.  We are a strength-based life learning home environment.  When my children decided what they wanted to do, college or something else, we would figure out what to do in order to have them achieve that goal.  And so life continued.

So what did we do for high school if not thinking about credits?  I describe it in my Collaborative Learning Process.  My children continued to strengthen their gifts (60%), and I provided support in helping each person improve any weaknesses from where they were in order to take it to the next level based on how it affects where they want to go (30%).  There were never any conversations about, “okay, so you want to go to college for computer programming, so what are you going to do for high school credit to show that.”  My son loved to computer program, so he did so, because he loved it, and was intrigued by it, and wanted to know as much as he could figure out.  My job was to keep feeding in the resources so that the interest would grow to its fullest capacity.  My daughter spent her last few years writing fantasy novels.  She learned by doing.  A few adult friends shared their favorite writing resources with her that got her looking for additional resources that would help her along her learning curve.  Interestingly, she knew when she was ready for more information and knowledge, and when she just needed time to sweat it out herself.  All of this could be translated into “credits” later; yet, it never entered my mind to think that way either in the moment.

Then there is the category of either “not that interested in it” or “difficulties learning or understanding it” subjects.  Each child had subjects they never gravitated to in some way by the 11-13 year old stage.  It was during this first stage of formality that I would introduce these topics to them in a way that could work for them, just so that they had some kind of positive interaction with it at least once.  For my oldest, it was math, and some formal grammar.  For my daughter, it was history and math.  For my third child, it was science and grammar.  These fell into the category of “just not that interested in it”.  It wasn’t that they couldn’t do it; it just didn’t have much meaning for them to pursue.  Yet, each I thought would benefit from a short-term exposure.  So, I found a resource that would match how they like to learn, and each felt positive about learning it to the level they took it.  Again, I didn’t think, “alright, you need a well-rounded education and in order to get credit for high school, you have to do x, y, and z.”  Now, take my daughter’s math as an example; she decided to learn up to algebra, and then decided it was sufficient.  In her transcript for college, I gave her “high school credit” for pre-algebra, geometry (since what we used incorporated it throughout), and algebra I (since she had to do a serious study of it for her ACT test, which she scored solid on).  She is an English/writing focus, so math was not relevant to her getting accepted into the university for which she applied.  Her ACT score “proved” that she had the “competency” for which I recorded.  But again, the reason we did what we did had nothing to do with high school credit or a transcript to get into college.  It was able to be worked out as we needed it.

I think there are two types as it pertains to the “difficulties learning or understanding it” arena.  There is the difficulty with a subject that is important to the child’s strength goals.  My daughter is a writer, and spelling and vocabulary didn’t come naturally to her.  This would be important to her, so we came up with resources and strategies that would help her improve these areas.  We didn’t create a “course” for her to receive high school credit for if she “passed”.  We took her from where she was, found resources that matched how she learns, and helped her improve step by step over a period of a few years.  We collaborated to identify these areas for each child so that their strengths could continue to flourish.

I have children who have a hard time learning certain subjects because of a biological difference.  This is different from not learning it well because there just isn’t an interest or natural inclination toward it.  The two that I asked to do math later don’t take to it easily.  But I don’t think everyone is meant to be good at everything.  I think a person has strengths and weaknesses.  And the weaknesses don’t have to mean “difficulty learning based on a deficiency”.  I’m not that keen on history and would have to work hard to do well in it in a school setting.  I don’t have a natural inclination toward it.  I’m not talking about “school created labels”, either.  Those typically are all about a different learning timeframe and learning resources, and if those are valued, it can either eventually be learned easily or if not, usually be put in the previous category of “difficulty with subject because of lack of natural inclination”.

My sons with autism are who fall into this category to which I am referring to as “biological differences to learning”.  My third child struggled with learning language as a child.  So, it would make sense that reading comprehension, vocabulary, spelling, and writing not only didn’t come naturally to him, he had to learn it in a way that takes a different way of focusing and learning.  Strategies may need to be employed based on their particular biological difference.  Or, he’s simply just going to have to think about it a lot more, and put a lot more time into it, because of it’s “unnaturalness” to his nature.  So, again, he and I would sit down and I would come up with some resources that I thought might help him, or some strategies that I thought might be useful, and let him know that if he wanted to improve in this area, he would need to put the work into it.  We discussed the ways not having these skills could interfere with his life plans, and to what level he might need to take it to circumvent that.  We used hands-on supports, resource supports, mentor support, and modeling supports in order to help him achieve his goals.  You notice we didn’t “remediate”.  He had a positive view on these areas because he was never labeled negatively as it pertains to them.  And, as has been said throughout this post, high school credit had nothing to do with what we were doing.  We were collaborating on goals and learning.  That was the focus.  It still is the focus as we navigate the high school years with each of our children.

For us, there is no “high school”.  There is simply a continuing learning process, based on stages of growth.

Our beloved Socks, the patriarch cat and oldest Gaddis pet, died last night at the age of 17 years, having lived in feline happiness from August 22, 1992 until December 9, 2009.  He was older than 4 of my 7 children, and lived with us longer than 3 of my 7 children.  He was our first official pet.  He was the only cat we actually bought, from a lady who discovered she was allergic to him.  He was 1.5 years old and we brought him home in March, 1992.  We were living in our first home in Gibsonia, PA:

I have a couple fond memories of Socks in our first home (from February, 1994-April, 1995).  The first was that I had him in Weston and I’s bedroom the first couple weeks as he acclimated to our home with four small children.  He had these little fuzzy balls that his previous owner said he really liked.  Well, one morning I awoke to something dropping on my hand.  When I opened my eyes and looked, it was one of those little fuzzy balls and Socks was staring at me . . . waiting.  Puzzled, I picked it up, pondered, then decided to throw it.  Off Socks shot, so I closed my eyes.  Seconds later, I feel a plop on my hand again, and there sat Socks, staring at me . . . like a dog!  What?!  It wasn’t long before his more human-like personality emerged.  Here is Socks shortly after getting him:

Further, Socks was to be an inside cat.  However, Socks did not like this idea whatsoever.  He had already endured 1.5 years of his life inside, sitting at the windows craving to be outside, and he took every opportunity to try to trick us when we came in or out of the house to try to escape.  In June of 1992, we heard a meow from our front bushes and out came a brown tabby male stray cat.  He began to take the next few weeks trying to get into our house, as Socks tried to get out.  Weeks later, I decided to give up and invited the stray, Bob, inside and released Socks to be free to come and go outside.  That began a beautiful relationship between the older and wiser Bob who would teach Socks how to hunt and be an outdoor cat.  Here they are:

Our family has wonderful memories of sitting on our back deck of this first house at around 6:00-7:00 p.m. and watching the “cat games” between the two cats.  Apparently, Socks was to try to sneak up behind Bob without him noticing.  Whenever Bob would turn and look, Socks would stop stalking and try again later.  One time, Socks was mid-flight towards pouncing on Bob when Bob turned to look, and Socks literally somehow did a flip in the middle of the air and landed beyond him as he had “lost” again.  The good news is that Socks became a good hunter and began his love of the outdoors.

Our first house was short-lived before it was time for our family to transfer to Kentucky.  Naturally, Socks and Bob came with us.  Here is our second home we owned:

We lived here from March, 1995 until May, 1998.  Since it was our first move with a pet, we wanted to be sure to acclimate our cats to the new home before allowing them outside.  However, they were eager to explore their outside environment, so about 2 weeks into it, we let them out.  And they disappeared.  It was days, and they were not the type to leave our yard, so we became concerned.  Now, a week into their disappearance, I began to accept the inevitable.  In fact, Weston saw a dead black and white cat up the road, and we feared it was him, though we could not tell.  I came home to find Abbey in her bedroom, praying, about the cats.  With all faith, she pleaded that Heavenly Father would bring them home.  I remember specifically thinking, “Oh, no, now her faith will be tested,” since I was sure they were gone.  I tried to talk to her, but Abbey matter-of-factly stated, “Oh, Socks and Bob will be coming home.”  As I stayed inside to comtemplate the hardship of it all, I heard her yell to me, “Mom!  Socks and Bob are home!”  And sure enough, as I ran downstairs, there they were.  In the end, it was my faith that was strengthened, from a child’s.  Though we lived near a busy road, our cats seemed smart enough to stay away from it and stick to the surrounding fields as their foray places.  Here are some pictures of Socks in Kentucky.  This is him hiding under Eli’s bed:

And him sitting in Alex’s high chair:

Then it was time to move again . . . to a log house in central PA:

We only lived in this backcountry home for a short six months in the year 1998 (June-December), but it was a time of healing and peace and tranquility . . . for most of us.  Socks, however, must have wondered where we dragged him as one evening, with the windows open as this place had no air conditioning with the natural coolness of the wooded lot and high mountaintop we were living upon, when we heard what appeared to be a cat scream . . . a BIG cat scream.  Stupid us grabbed a flashlight and went out on the porch and shined where we heard the noise.  On one side of a large tree was a cougar, and on the other side of that same tree, with wide-eyes, was Socks!  Apparently they bumped into each other, and when we came, the cougar slowly turned around and walked away.  Socks, however, zipped into the house.

Circumstances created the opportunity for us to move more “in town” to civilization here at the Lindy house:

We were at this house from December, 1998 until May 2000.  Initially, the cats stayed in the basement (we now had Belle and one of her kittens, Sunflash, but Bob had passed away in KY) because we had added a dog, though a few months into this house, we found a new home for him as it wasn’t fitting our lifestyle yet at the time.  However, Socks was one never to be kept up, so he dared to come around the house faster than the others, as well as outside.  Here he is on Abbey’s bed:

And here he is outside:

From here, it was moving to North Carolina into our Trinity home:

We were in this house the longest we had ever lived anywhere:   from June 2000 to December of 2007.  Weston began to do English gardening around the home and this is where Socks became our Ferdinand cat, sleeping under the rose bushes many hours of most days.  Here are the pictures from that home, all with the theme Outside!  Here he is with Sunny:

And near the front of the house:

Socks and I, and Socks and Eric had the closest relationship.  Socks slept in my bed for years at my feet.  Here he is with me on the back deck of this house:

He also starred in a movie made by Abbey for Alex found here:

continued here:

and concluded here (stay tuned after the “The End” for a surprise):

Finally, we ended up at our final (hopefully) home here in our log house in central North Carolina:

I was able to get some pictures of Socks sleeping under the bushes in our new house.  He had to wait a bit until Weston transferred some of our roses from the old house to the new one.  It was never quite the same as the old house, but it would do.   He also got really, really old . . . skinny and clumped fur from not grooming, but he was still so strong in spirit that I just couldn’t put him down.

The star quality of Socks continued as patrairch of the cat home and Abbey wrote a book about him in a series of books about all the cats for Alex for Christmas.  Here is his cover:

In highlighting the life of Socks, we also highlighted the travels of the Gaddis family.  He has been with us from the first house we purchased, to our last.  His spirit carried his body farther than it was meant to go, and we celebrate his strength and love he always shared.  Joseph Fielding Smith has said that the spirits of animals will be resurrected.  We believe that so strongly, and having shared the love of Socks, it could not be any other way.  We will see him again!  Until then, may he rest in peace until he can frolick in the gardens of Heaven.

I think Alex, age 14, can serve to illustrate the difference between all three to start us off.  Alex was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) when he was 2 years old.  He has two older brothers diagnosed as well.  One of his “special interests” around that age was ceiling fans.  However, as a 2-3 year old with limited cognition, his interest in them was purely for self-stimulatory satisfaction.  He enjoyed watching the blades spin around and around and gets a kick out of the sensation he gets from watching it from certain angles.  Around 3-4 years old, his interest shifted into obsession, even almost addiction.  Suddenly, it’s almost like the joy of watching it no longer existed, but was replaced with a need to turn them on and off, with a frantic-like quality.  I found that he didn’t want to do anything else, in any way, shape or form.  The most important difference, though, that made it an obsession/addiction was the idea that he was taking no pleasure in it, and he couldn’t seem to stop his need to do it all day long.  (We “broke” all the fans in the house, and that helped him “snap out of it” after a few months, so that we could “fix them”, and he could go back to enjoying the experience of watching them again.)  I don’t know when it went from self-stimulatory behavior to passion.  I think it was around 8 years old when he realized that there were more components to ceiling fans than just the thrill of the viewing of it.  He started to assemble fans, collect fans, create his own fans, understand how all the parts create the whole, and to appreciate vintage fans.  Alex has a full life with several focuses or passions as well as meaningful relationships and interactions, with future plans and hopes and dreams.  One of his passions is ceiling fans, which may lead to his future career path.  He is a part of on-line forums for fan lovers and they have interesting conversations among each other.  He has even found an IRL friend through his passion who shares it in a meaningful way (he restores ceiling fans at s Habitat for Humanity Restore).

So, my definition in practice of these three words are this:

•  Self-stimulatory behaviors create enjoyable sensations, particularly sensory input sensations, that a person does for pleasure.

Some examples of this are when Adam, age 16, diagnosed with autism (moderately-severely affected) flips coins into a bucket over and over again.  He loves how it feels on his fingers, how it sounds as it rhythmically clinks, and how it visually looks as it floats into an arc into the pile created.  Or when Alex enjoys something for whatever reason, he makes a particular noise while tensing up his body and rubbing his fingers together as a way to express sensorially his satisfaction.  When he was younger, around 1 year old, Alex would crawl into a tight space under my night stand and play with a cord.  His enjoyment of this practice was a positive sensory experience.

I think the categorization of “self-stimulatory behavior” is overused in the autism community.  I believe it is most true from those who view autism as a negative attribute (that’s a whole other post, because I feel there are two sides to that thought) and one to be expunged.  For instance, I believe many would consider Alex’s ceiling fan passion a self-stimulatory behavior.  He can do actions that express that side, but it is overall a passion.  A good example of the misconception is playing the piano.   There is certainly a sensorial appreciation to playing with the listening of the music to the touching of the keys to the patterning of the action, but for most people, it is either a pleasant skill to enjoy or a passion.  Another personal example is Eli, age 18, diagnosed with high functioning autism, starting at the age of 1.5 years old, spent hours with trains.  He would lie down as he meticulously linked the metal cast die trains together, close one eye, and pull the train toward him and past as he watched his creation from various angles.  The experts would call that “looking at the parts”, but in actuality, he was enjoying his three-dimensionality aspect of being right-brained.  There is one type of conclusion in the autism community about “enjoying parts”, but there may be another explanation as so many individuals with autism are right-brained learners, with three-dimensionality gifts, that may be exploring what that means by bringing parts up close and personal for a season while younger.

•  Obsession is when an interest has taken over a life devoid of other enjoyable features and there is no longer joy associated with the action.

Some examples of this is when Alex, 1-2 years old at the time, would line up his Duplo blocks into a line over and over.  He would often get agitated as he did it, thus, not taking any enjoyment from it.  However, he would get upset if it didn’t line up as he wanted, or if it got messed up.  He was not receiving sensorial benefit from it, nor was he enjoying the experience.  Sometimes, Adam accidentally lets one of his self-stimulatory behaviors turn into an obsession related to obsessive-compulsive disorder.  For instance, if he has no other cognitive stimulation going on in his life, instead of using his coin flipping as a sensory outlet and calming enjoyment action, he can begin to create patterns within his mind as he does the flipping that begins to cycle.  He noticeably becomes agitated while flipping, his actions become spasmodic, and the sounds he makes become intense.  He is no longer enjoying the experience and often has a difficult time completing whatever cycle he has created that has taken over the process.

What it is not is often confused with the beginning stages of a passion, particularly with people with autism who may seem “out of balance” at this stage.  For instance, when Eli was 1.5-4 years old, he spent hours creating train tracks and playing his trains.  Then, from 4-12, he spent an equal amount of time with Legos.  During this timeframe, Eli had no interest in friends, though he had consistent interactions in formal settings I brought him to, and had many “odd” ways of interacting and difficulty communicating effectively.  However, Eli was gaining much pleasure from his interest, he was competent in diverse ways, he continued to learn and grow from its practice, and he was in balance for the stage of autism he was at during that time.

Alex’s interest in John Denver songs and the Beatles may be misinterpreted by experts/people of a different perspective as either a self-stimulatory behavior or an obsession, but I see it has a developing passion.  Alex will listen to a particular song over and over again, taking great pleasure out of hearing it, so it could be seen as a pleasant sensorial experience as his reasons for doing this.  Or, because of this repetition, it may be seen as an obsession.  However, though I believe he is having a pleasant sensory experience, he is always learning and growing in more information about these two artists.  It has also expanded into other music.  He has also developed other skills through the interest such as creating his own montages.  I see it as a passion.

Because of the nature of autism, particularly in the early stages of development when a young person with autism is still trying to figure out our “culture” of cognitive understanding, the things that interest them may be more sensory in nature because of how attuned their sensory system is to their surroundings.  Further, as they get older, and if they have not been helped in knowing how to interact with the world in which they live, the interest may become obsessive because they don’t know where else to take it. However, I find that as we expand their understanding of their interest to the world, it becomes a healthy passion like anyone else enjoys.  I wrote a post about that idea here.

•  Passion is when an interest engulfs your being and it brings great pleasure and satisfaction, with consistent growth and/or learning associated with it, insomuch as a person wants to spend many hours a day engaged in its pursuit.

A right-brained learner often is engaged in a passion, particularly one of the creative outlets (music/dance, art/drawing, theater’/showmanship, math/numbers, video games/computers, mazes/puzzles, fashion/sewing, cooking/gardening, building/electronics).  They will spend hours and hours, days and days, years and years in its pursuit in their ability to reach excellence (it is said that 10,000 hours of dedicated pursuit is needed to excel in something).  I wonder if because our schooling system is focused on a generalist education, that we think anything that someone spends hours pursuing must be bad, thus, placing the negative word “obsession” on it.

Some examples of passion pursuits in our house is the hours upon hours of Lego building Eli engaged in, or the hours upon hours of drawing Eric, age 22, engaged in.  Interestingly, Eli’s Lego building led him to computer programming.  At 14 years old, he started spending hours and hours dedicated to learning how to program.  He carried around his programming book as his “bible”.  We give value to this as a passion because it is recognizable as a “career path”, but his surrounding himself with his Legos was no different than his programming.  It was the predecessor to his finding his career path passion.  I always tell people to look beyond the exterior act.  What do you see happening as they pursue this interest?  I saw this one time when Eli had learned about pyramids:

This Lego pyramid had as much intricacy inside as it is outside, as depicted in his drawing beforehand.

Everyone has their own balance in life.  In order to develop a passion to excellence, many hours need to be dedicated to it.  This is what a strengths-based, gift-centered learning environment can look like.  Some are introverts and need less interaction time than those who are extraverts.  Some cerebral types of children need less physical activity than those who are active and high energy.  I remember learning an interesting lesson from Eli when he was 9 years old.  I was actively looking for a good match for him in a playmate in order to develop some of his social skills.  I noticed another homeschooled girl who seemed to be “odd” like Eli, so thought it might be interesting to see how they might get along.  In order to facilitate the initiation of diverse activities, I created an idea board of things in the house they could play with, and each could take turns making a choice.  This is what they chose as their first three activities as I observed one day:

First, they chose a puzzle with many pieces, I think it was 100 or something, and they both bent over the activity, deep in concentration as they constructed this puzzle.  Then, they chose a board game that was fun, like Cootie Bug or something that took luck and playful interaction.  Then, last they created their own interest by cutting a long piece of yarn from a skein, attaching it to the back ends of themselves, and finding a circular path in our home and following that path, letting the yarn drag behind, and trying to leap toward the end of their yarn as they circled around, to see if they could grab it . . . a strange, yet delightful to them, escapade.  Suddenly, it occurred to me.  Now I see why Eli had a difficult time finding friends:  he went from a highly cerebral activity, to a traditional (normal) activity, to an odd activity.  Uusually, he would lose someone in the transition, as so many children are either one, the other, or the last, but not all three in one.  His diversity of interest created a division in peer match-ups!

Thus, what it is not is when a child is engaged in a pursuit of potential passion, and they get “out of balance” during a stage that they don’t have the skill set to know how to manage their interest.  Video game playing is a perfect example of this.  My oldest son loved playing video games starting at 5 years old.  Around 8-9 years old, he went through a stage that appeared to be “obsessive/addictive.”  And, in actuality, it had shifted into that realm (just like self-stimulatory can warp to passion, so can passion deteriorate into obsession) because he didn’t have the skills of self-management.  So, suddenly video games were not fun anymore, and he was acting out in frustration, yet refused to stop playing because he had to make it to the next level.  His actions became spastic and his attitude became ugly.  So, just like with my 3-4 year old who needed to take a break from ceiling fans in order to break from the obsessive nature he had found himself, for my 9-year-old, I could pull him aside and give him good information about what he was experiencing, how to manage it effectively, and what had happened to something that was of high interest to him.  Over a year’s time of discussion and collaboration and knowledge sharing, his self-management and “in balance” needs were consistently integrated from himself in order to place his video game interest back into passion mode.  (He used his interest in video games as inspiration for his art and history projects throughout his childhood and into his life’s pursuit.)

In conclusion, spending longs hours in the pursuit of something does not make it an obsession.  We are so focused on being a little good at everything that we forget what it looks like to specialize in something and how much time it takes to excel at it.  Further, being in “balance” looks different for various children based on temperament and learning traits, but also looks different at the various stages of development, including factoring in extenuating circumstances, like being diagnosed with autism.  I have developed my observation skills in order to see beyond what is front of me, but more importantly, I have questioned the generalist attitude of our learning environments for our young children.   We need more passion in our lives; we can give that to our children in our perspective and our learning lives!

So, let’s get real.  When I chose to homeschool my children, let alone unschool them, I assured the idea that they would be considered “different”.  Choosing to unschool sets ME apart as “different”.  Why wouldn’t it set my children apart as being “different”?  And wasn’t that the point?  Different means not the norm.  The norm is the socialization received by those attending mass institutions of learning, in any shape or form.  I was reminded again of what that socialization looks like when my two younger boys insisted upon attending a YMCA day camp for the summer.  Last year they went every other week; this year they went every week for the entire summer.  The dynamics among the children is the same thing you will see in the public schools, charter schools, and private schools.  And my children don’t fit in well.  Let me explain.

Large groups of children are managed by staff.  In fact, when it is free play, they reduce staff ratio because their intent is to “keep them safe” and “let them go”, not to support or help with social skill development.  It’s to give the adults a break as well.  You will see this at any recess time or lunch time in any school.  So, all these children get together with no role models on how to treat each other.  At the beginning of the day camp in June, the staff were eager and engaged themselves with the children.  The children didn’t know each other yet, the counselors, or their boundaries, so they all were fairly cooperative with one another and especially worked together when an adult was involved and giving gentle reminders of positive social conduct.  By the second half of camp, significant disintegration in all realms occur.  Because the counselors are not really trained in being social supports and mentors, and as the children become familiar with each other and the boundaries that can be crossed with each counselor are known, the negative behaviors of the children increase and the apathy of the adults are palpable.  Children know whose buttons are easily pushed and there will be a segment of children who enjoy pushing them and then denying their role in it; the children have established a pecking order and those at the top do as they please without regard to others; groups of children pack together to create strength against any assault; grabbing and pushing are commonplace because no structure or expectation of common courtesy are established or modeled; fighting and name calling result when a child has no recourse when changes of circumstance occur outside of their repertoire of knowledge (this is known as repair skills).  These are the things I witnessed off the top of my head as I would try to support my children the first hour of free play by modeling and sharing good social information based on the dynamic of environment for which they were a part.  As for the counselors, the first few weeks there was high energy, excitement, a desire to join in the play and enjoy the children, and consistent positive interactions.  By mid-season, I literally see counselors with blank faces, many leaning against the trees staring off in space or simply hugging on the child that will approach them and want attention, and little commitment to intervening on obvious difficult circumstances escalating nearby.

As a homeschooler, I am as much a part of the social learning environment for my children as a model and mentor as I am in the academic learning environment.  This holds true for the emotional learning environment or the familial learning environment.  I recognize as a homeschooling parent that there are many facets of learning that my child is picking up every minute of every day, and I am privileged to walk the journey alongside them.  I want to share as much information as possible to help them find their place in our society that works for them.  So, what this means is that I believe in adult mentoring as one of the foundations of our learning environment.  That said, even though the boys are in a group setting where no parent stays to watch or observe, I stay that first hour as an opportunity to share my observations with my boys.  However, that is not enough to counter the dynamic of an unprincipled social environment of little people with no skills, experience, or power.

Joseph, my 8 year old, has done well the first half of the season, both last year and this year.  But, likewise, starting midway through the season, he is constantly fighting, disrespecting counselors, and having a negative outlook on everything around him.  As I observe him, and assess the situation based on Joseph’s perspective, I find several factors in play.  I believe the most important difference is that he has been respected in his life and knows he has a lot of choice.  As an unschooler, I just don’t know how to change that dynamic I give my child although he enters an environment full of people without most of those points of view.  So, when the children treat him as they do everyone else in that circumstance, Joseph is easily offended and feels disrespected, whether by the children or how the counselors are taught to be punitive against children who do not conform.  So, with a lack of social skill at this stage, and after it weighing on him over a half summer, Joseph resorts to his base reaction of fight or flight; his being fight.  These mass institutions of childhood group management use punitive measures to keep children in compliance.  I notice Joseph’s self respect is not for sale and no level of punishment they can dole out is worth trading it in.  So, I come to a standstill.  Unless I attend with him, or send someone with him that I have shared my philosophies with (William, 10, did have someone attend with him, so he has been successful), he cannot succeed in that environment.  But, not because he is unsocialized; but because he is socialized toward an adult society.

This is what I mean about getting real about socialization.  Our children ARE different socially than those who are socialized in an unmentored, unguided mass institutionalized group setting of children.  And I’m not dissing those children in these environments.  They do the best they can with the circumstances in which they find themselves.  It is human nature to do what they do.  I always say that if I sent my children to school, then I would do as the Romans do.  You can help your child find the best fit in the setting to which they are placed, but they will not change the setting and dynamic it creates.  Thus, when I tried school a time or two for certain reasons and circumstances, it didn’t last long because truly I am incapable of understanding how to be a parent that supports the impacts of that environment on my children.  I actually don’t know how to do it.  My entire perspective would have to change, and I don’t think I can delete what I believe about my role in the life of my children.

This is what people are referring to when they say they can tell when a person has been homeschooled, particularly when they are still of mass institutional age.  My only daughter, Abbey, 20, is finishing up her first semester at BYU.  The first few weeks were interesting socially as she was constantly being corrected by her roommate with the words “people just don’t SAY that”.  My daughter is extremely comfortable with who she is and she quickly realized that what her roommate was trying to say is that Abbey doesn’t know the typical way of speaking among her peers who have been schooled socially.  She speaks like an adult would.  She and her roommate had some conversations about the corrections, and it stopped.  However, upon reflection, my daugher realized that her autonomous lifestyle lived and learned as an unschooler was not necessarily helping her develop friendships in the way her peers were used to creating them, and if she wanted to be part of some of that, she needed to shift a little as well.  The biggest thing she adjusted was making herself available in joining their group in all they did (school think is always stick together in everything), versus deciding what she wanted to involve herself in (unschooling think is decide what interests you and join in as you would like and it doesn’t offend anyone).  After making that one simple change, while maintaining her “nobody talks that way” perspective (because she likes that about herself), she was fully accepted into the group.  After accomplishing that, she decided two things:  one is that the friendship structure it creates is somewhat shallow, but the other is that it creates opportunity to serve others in various ways and learning of others’ perspectives.  And, she really likes the individual girls, and understands and has decided to conform to the way they know how to be together.  At the same time, she realized how much she will enjoy our continued familial relationship because she quite literally can talk about anything with me, in a deep way, and work out the way she wants to be for herself.  She also has learned to value her journaling as she can process all that she is learning and choosing to adjust with as she embraces all that college life offers.

So, let’s be real about socialization.  There is a noticeable difference between those who are public/private/charter schooled and those who are home/unschooled.  I am a realist, but with that comes non-judgment.  I know plenty of young people who have been mass schooled, and they have value.  I know young people, especially my own, who have been home/unschooled, and they have value.  It’s apples and oranges people.  It’s a choice each of us makes.  I quite literally cannot do the school thing socially, academically, or otherwise.  Others can and believe in it.  Others cannot fathom the home/unschooling thing.  It fits us perfectly, and my children wanting to continue the tradition with their own children is testimony enough to their own experience.

Different makes us interesting!

Mass institutions of learning generally teach in a left-brained fashion using a left-brained scope and sequence.  The right brained learner has their own preferred scope and sequence, but it is not well known what that looks like.  In fact, sometimes I think people are completely unaware that right-brained learners would naturaly have their own scope and sequence.  Thus, it is one of my missions in life to share what that scope and sequence looks like, so it can be valued, let alone even recognized.

That said, some people choose to categorize a left-brained learner as “auditory-sequential” and a right-brained learner as “visual-spatial”, based on those attributes being prevalent in the respective learning styles.  I don’t like that differentiation because it assumes right-brained people cannot be auditory learners or left-brained people can’t be visual learners.  I think these are input modalities:  some do well with auditory input, and others do well with visual input.  I have six right-brained children and 1 right-brained husband.  Four of them do well with auditory input (Weston, Eric, Alex, and Joseph).  Three of them do quite poorly (Eli, Adam, and William).  It seems they either do very, very well, or very, very poorly as it pertains to auditory input.

So, does that mean my children who do poorly with auditory input mean they have “auditory processing disorder”?  It is true that they can barely process any auditory information effectively . . . or do they?  I started looking closely, especially as I noticed a few things with myself.  I am a strong left-brained learner.  My daughter is more whole-brained, but learns in a left-brained manner, and mainly uses her visual skills for creating her fantasy novels.  I have noticed lately, when my builder right-brained son, Eli (who doesn’t prefer the auditory input modality), has read things aloud to me from his computer, wanting to ask me a question, I cannot for the life of me process that auditory information without having to get up and go look at the words.  My daughter has mentioned that she cannot concentrate on talks at church without doodling or taking notes (a common way for a right-brained learner to attune to left-brained or non-creative tasks).

So, I started thinking about how schools are set up.  They are lecture based with note taking.  This would go along the lines of how a left-brained person could process auditory information effectively.  If they can write or see words (many times, notes were put on the board or on overheads or in outlines as the lecture was given) as they receive the auditory input, they are able to effectively and efficiently process that information.  Because a right-brained person’s natural gift is not in words, many times those who do not prefer auditory input cannnot take notes and listen at the same time.  However, Eli, who also is a natural at math, he can easily follow a lecture in his math class because the instructor inevitably is working out math problems as she explains.  Thus, a visual that makes sense to my son is hooked to the auditory in order that it makes sense to him and can process it effectively.  If Eli goes to a class at church where the teacher brings in picture visuals and hands-on activities, he processes the auditory information fine.  If they do not, he struggles to pay attention and process the auditory input.

In our instructional world, we tend to use three of our five senses extensively:  auditory, visual, and kinesthetic (touch).  Smell and taste certainly come into play in such professions as cooking and general environmental assessments.  Therefore, I challenge the idea that there are “glitches” in some right-brained learners who do not prefer to process input auditorially.  Eli prefers to process visually and kinesthetically.  That is 2 of the 3.  He can do that third one when paired with one of the other two.  I realize I may be similar.  I need words involved in order to process auditory information, but because our society is set up to favor the left-brained processing structure, I do not need to figure out creative ways to accomplish the ability to process auditory information.

Eli is working out creative ways to accomplish the need to process information auditorially while in college by finding other sources to accomplish the same thing utilizing another of his input modalities.  Taking on-line classes is a great option for him in lecture based classes.  Because auditory input and words go hand in hand, he can take his time reading and processing the information at a pace that works for him.  Yes, he has the option of getting a disability plan in order to tape record his lecture classes, but why?  Eli subconsciously resents the idea that he needs to have a “disability plan” when he feels he is quite capable of learning the information if it is presented in a way that works for him.  So, isn’t the learning environment “disabled”?  It works for certain people, but not for others; yet, if it were structured differently, bringing in all the three input modalities, I think there would be less problems involved with most people.  Eli received a high A for his online class for Psychology quite easily.  And he really enjoyed the material and talked about what he was learning all the time.

The last thought pertains to processing auditory input from a conversation or if a friend or such is explaining something to you.  Then, there is often no visual or kinesthetic hook to the auditory.  I asked Eli how he processes our conversations.  We have had discussions about the idea that looking at someone tells them you are paying attention.  A young person, who attended public school worked for me this summer shadowing my son, William, at a day camp.  It was apparent the first time I gave this young man instructions that he had “ADD” as he would not look at me when I spoke, and would not remember half of what I said to him.  I asked Eli if it would be easier to not look at me when I spoke in order to process the auditory input more easily.  He said it wouldn’t because if he looked off, he might become visually distracted by something and that is when his ears would shut down.  I noticed that exact thing happening to this young man who worked for me.  I told the young man he needed to come up with some strategies to help him, but he has no tools to pull from, and he has just graduated high school with high grades!  After bumping into his mother, she has been concerned that he has relied upon the medication to learn, and after doing a few “placebo experiments” with her son, she has found that he is reliant upon it.

I am grateful for the homeschooling environment.  While young, I could center Eli’s learning around his strengths and his preferred input modalities in order to create a strengths based, gift centered learning environment.  Once he hit around 11-12 years old, his brain shifted once again (as most people do) in order to start taking in more abstract information, which includes having a greater awareness of what is working and not working in one’s life, and being willing and able to partner with a more knowledgeable person in order to create tools and strategies to improve weaknesses as they negatively impact strengths.  (In other words, the improvements or skill development made sense as it related to what he needed to work for him in what areas.)  For conversations, if it is a topic of high interest and background knowledge he already has accumulated, he can hook the auditory conversation to the ready visuals in his mind.  If it is entirely new information being discussed, he has found looking at the person creates the ability for him to concentrate on what is being said.  In real life, I don’t foresee this being a constant need, as the area of work he will go into will be one based on his strengths.  The friends he associates with will be those who have commonalities.

I am more than pleased at how Eli is finding his place in our society, whether it is based on his strengths or his weaknesses.  We live at a time there are many options, and he’s not afraid to take them.  He doesn’t see it as a deficit that he chooses another alternative, but as a smart choice that allows him to enjoy the experience because it is based on areas of strength for him.  In other words, he knows how he learns, and he’s not afraid to use it

That said, we started once a week in February.  The boys started at white belt, moved to white/gold belt in 6 weeks, and then moved to gold belt in another 6 weeks.  Here’s an old picture at white/gold:

Yesterday, after missing every other week this summer, William and Joseph were able to move to orange belt.  Here’s a photo:

What I have discovered is that Joseph is a natural at this, and most everything he tries physically.  William needs to work harder at things, but “fighting” is his big interest, so he is motivated to put in the effort.  I notice that he uses the strategy of watching others heavily, but it works for him.  Excitedly, when he is on his own to do it, he comes through with the knowledge to move forward.

William is one of those children with a lot of “learning disabilities”.  I put that in quotes because I choose to view my children through a strengths based lens while remaining realistic about their needs, but understanding that time and smart exposure can go a long way.  That said, I can access funds through something called an “adoption fund” that covers activities that help the children progress.  Karate is “approved” because there are studies that show improvement in things like ADD and such.  I do notice good quality attention from William during karate, but more importantly, I see a lot of great, natural exercise in the “crossing midline” and “motor planning” arenas.  Joseph is able to pick up which way to do strikes with his hands, which often cross midline from one side of the face down and across.  There is also major coordination when striking with one hand, the other goes into a defensive stance.  William’s processing is quite slow, and he really had to think about it hard.  I can just see his brain working!  In the beginning, Tina and I had our doubts that he could pull it off.  But he really has!  Quite amazing, actually!  This is a great example of a real activity that creates natural “exercises” in areas of need without having to separate them out into drills.

Karate is definitely a keeper, both for high interest, with a side benefit of natural development in William’s areas of weakness.